Irken Erotica
by Kira Kei Jinx
Summary: ZaDr. If you don't like, don't read. While at a party, Zim has a wild experience with a mystery guy. Now, he is determined to recreate the orgasmic sensation he's never felt before. Even if that means enlisting the help of the Dib.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Invader Zim.

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The party was on a Saturday. It was during the middle of the year, for no real reason. There were no invitations, which meant that they weren't supposed to be having it. But once word got around that Zita's parents were going out of town for four or five days, no one but Zita knew exactly how long, everyone started talking about a party. An unsupervised party. No one knew if Zita had approved the party or if one of her friends had just spread the word around without asking. Of course, all things considering, no one really cared.

The rumors spread fast, from the most popular to the outcasts. Even Dib and Zim were invited, or at least, they weren't _not _invited. There would be college boys there. At least, according to the rumors anyway. There would be booze, hot people, and free rooms. That was enough to get everyone talking. Suddenly Zita was the most popular girl in their grade and those below. Everyone pressured her for details, but she just flicked her hair back and grinned wickedly. If they wanted to know, they would have to come to the party.

And everyone did.

The rather small two story house was filled to the brim with high school and college kids. They were everywhere at once, dancing and drinking, kissing and fighting. Someone was throwing a football from jock to jock while a group of girls ogled the hot guitarist from the local rock band. Music nearly burst eardrums, blocked out only by the screams of 'chug, chug, chug' from the keg in the backyard. Streamers soared through the air, smacking one guy in the back of the head and causing him to spill his drink on his 'date'. Several rooms were locked or had signs up that said 'fuck off' or something just as rude. There were snacks floating around, not that you could find any when you wanted them. And several family photos lay in ruins by the mantle, stepped on and cracked.

When Zim arrived at the party, it was already hitting its peak. Almost instantly, he collided with Zita, who was laughing and swaying on her feet. She gave him a kiss on the cheek, called him 'Hank' and shoved a drink in his hand. Then she waved to someone and hurried off. Zim had been alone after that, if you could call being constantly mistaken for other people alone. He wandered around the living room, shoving people out of his way and screaming at the top of his lungs whenever someone nearly knocked his wig off or smacked his pak. He poured his drink on a girl's shirt, proving once and for all that she wasn't wearing a bra, and he tripped a popular jock, sending a crowd of girls into a fit of giggles.

He had found his way to the kitchen shortly after getting attacked by a couple of cheerleaders looking for Zita. They were drunk and they tried to kiss him and one passed out a moment before he stumbled backwards into the kitchen. Then he turned around and was face to face with a stoner from their school who was always in the bathroom smoking. He grinned widely and handed the Irken a drink. Zim had poured it on the chips, trying to figure out why humans were so fascinated with these sort of things and if he could use it against them.

Then he'd run into the Dib. He was there with his sister, who was drinking that foul smelling liquid. She punched a few keys on her game, ignoring them. Dib had grinned and accused Zim of not knowing what parties were because he wasn't human. Even though that was true, Zim refused to let his rival know that. He had just laughed, waving off the few thought.

And he had taken his first drink of booze.

He didn't know what it was called or what was in it. It burned his throat nearly as bad as water did. But it did something to him. As he swallowed mouthful after mouthful of the stuff to prove he knew what happened at parties, given the mass amount of people he'd seen drinking it, his head started to feeling a little foggy. Everything felt different, strange but in a good way. Suddenly, he didn't really care what Dib thought. He didn't mind the constant shoving. In fact, the more of this stuff he drank, the better his mood got. So he had bid farwell to the Dib and left to go get more.

After four or five of the things, he was dancing and singing along to the music he had never heard before. He jumped up and down with a few girls and guys, all screaming at the top of their lungs and shaking their hips. He had chugged a 'beer', as it seemed to be called, with a bulky guy he was pretty sure had thrown him in a trash can before. They had raced to see who could drink faster. Zim had won. Then he was dancing and singing again, with different people. As far as he could figure, one of the girls was stripping. But he didn't really pay attention. This was 'his song' and he wasn't missing it.

Somehow, he had ended up outside. Two or three beers later, he was grinding up with a guy who looked vaguely familiar. Something was said and the small Invader was lifted off his feet. He didn't scream or fight, he just laughed and shouted something in his native language. It got cheers from all around as though they had all understood. Maybe he'd said it in English. He didn't have time to think about it. He was upside down with a tube in his mouth. People were screaming 'chug, chug, chug' as beer was poured down the tube. He chugged it to the chants, holding the tube in his mouth with one hand and pumping his fist in the air with the other.

When he was right side up again, or upside down, he wasn't really sure, he was face to face with the Dib. He was shaking his head, trying to take hold of him. Zim wasn't sure what he was saying, but he knew it couldn't be good. He knew that look and he didn't like it. They were fighting, if he remembered right. Then he was leaving, stumbling back into the house for more booze and people who knew what a good time was. He didn't know if the Dib had followed him or not. He found the kitchen and grabbed two more beers and something else.

By the time the last bottle crashed to the ground, he was too wasted to know where he was or what he was doing there. He wasn't sure if he was still wearing his disguise or if he were still speaking English. What he did know, or thought he knew anyways, was that someone gorgeous was in front of him. He swayed to the side and nearly fell over, only to be caught by the person. Their lips touched and sparks seemed to fly. They filled Zim's head and before he knew it, his tongue was down their throat.

They were in the middle of kissing when hands started to travel. Zim grabbed his hair and pulled. His hands went further south. He touched him near his lower stomach and suddenly Zim's head was spinning again. He felt two fingers rub against the slit starting at his far lower stomach. The feeling was so orgasmic he could barely breathe. His head danced somewhere in space as those fingers pressed the slit through his pants.

"Uh. . . .there. . . right there. . ." Zim gasped out, running his fingers down their neck. He felt the fingers moving, a gentle caressing at his most sensitive area. He felt his body tingling with a feeling he hadn't had in years, so many years. It made his toes curl, his head spin, his sight go white and fuzzy. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't move. There was only that feeling of pleasure that filled him to the brim, threatening to overflow at any second.

The motion got more and more realistic as it continued. His fingers moved into the slit, parting it slightly. He moaned, his head tilting back as one finger dipped into him. He felt it twisting, moving around as though tasting him. The fuzziness of the alcohol started to leave him as the feeling grew stronger and stronger. He could feel it through his entire body, rocking him from head to toe. It pushed and pushed at his restraints, making him shake with ecstacy.

Just as the pleasure reached it's boiling point, everything went hazy. Zim let out a moan unrelated to sex as he stirred. He moved a little, pushing one hand against his forehead. He could still feel the pounding headache as he came to. He slowly opened one of his eyes, but found only darkness. Slowly, he closed his eye again, letting out another sound. He willed himself back to the dream, the memory, to whatever it was. But as his head filled with passion, he realized that it wasn't just a dream.

Zim jerked up, his eyes wide with fury that raged behind those pinkish orbs. He gripped the sheets of his bed as he stared down at his lower stomach. Gir didn't seem to realize that his master was no longer asleep, but wide awake, watching him with narrowing eyes, antennae slicked back, as he licked his slit like he was a cat lapping up milk. Each lick was quick, but prolonged, sending a shock of pleasure through the Irken's entire body. He twitched, fighting th urge to just lay back and let his 'servant' continue. But when he felt Gir's metal hands clamping on one of his thighs in order to arch his head a little more, the dam of rational thought broke and he let out a scream that seemed to shake the entire room.

"GET OFF ME!" he roared at the top of his lungs, grabbing Gir's head and ripping it back. There was a loud snapping sound and then Gir was staring up at him with nearly blank eyes. His tongue was still slightly out, dripping with the wetness from his master's slit. Zim's body twitched with sheer horror, eyes slightly widening as a drop of his cum slipped off Gir's mouth and landed on his sheets. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Nooothing," was Gir's innocent answer, cooed out as though he hadn't just been licking the alien's slit. He grinned widely, pushing his hands together like a guilty child would have. Zim's hands shook, squeezing his head tighter and tighter, though it didn't faze him in the slightest. He just smiled and pointed at his master. "Yous were all wet. It looked tasty. You told me I could."

Zim spat out something, he wasn't even sure what it was supposed to be himself. Then he just shoved the robot onto the floor with a loud clunk. Gir let out a laugh, sitting up and wiping the remaining cum off his lips. Seeing him do that sent a visible shudder through the Irken. He turned away, pulling the sheets over his naked body. For a moment, he just glared a hole through the wall. Then he shifted that stare back at Gir.

"What are you doing? _Get out _of Zim's bedroom," he hissed out in a voice that would have terrified most people. Gir's smile faltered, but he hardly doubted it had anything to do with his tone. And, indeed, a moment later, Gir had tears welling up in his eyes and he thrust out his lower lip in a futile attempt to change Zim's mind.

"But, Maaaster, I wanna play!" Gir whined out in such a sad voice that it would probably have gotten some sort of reaction out of the Irken. But not tonight, not right now. He just glared with all the fury of the universe and jerked his finger towards the door with a warning to get out in biting Irken.

Gir didn't fight him. He just hung his head sadly and shuffled out of the bedroom. He looked back a couple times, only to receive a dark look and a flick of the wrist to continue. Then the door was pulled shut and Gir was gone, off to bother someone else, Zim was certain. But at least he was alone, though he had no idea how much damage he would have to fix in the morning.

"Ugh. . ." he muttered, pushing a hand against his forehead. The aching hangover from the party was alive and well, despite it already being Monday night. He had stayed home all day nursing the hangover he'd woken up to on Sunday with. And still it tormented him. In the back of his mind, he considered staying home from school tomorrow as well.

But at the front of his mind was Gir. He lowered his pink orbs to his lower waist. He didn't need to move the sheets to know that he was still slick with cum. His slit was stimulated, excited and waiting to be touched and stroked again. Since Saturday night, he had been flooded by dreams about that guy and how he had stroked him down there. It had perked his slit up, excited to be touched after so many years of being ignored.

Zim moved one hand to the slit. He careful ran one finger over it, feeling the slightly opened lips. He felt the hot liquid as it built up and occasionally dripped onto his bed. He needed to be stimulated, but there was no one there to help. He had no partner and he hadn't in years. Just touching the slight opening sent a tremor down his spine. He slowly closed his eyes, lightly touching the area around the slit. He hadn't felt someone rub up against his bare body in so long, he had nearly forgotten what it felt like. But what that person had done, he had never felt before.

He had actually pressed a finger against the slit, as though trying to insert his finger through his pants. No Irken had ever gone beyond the standard rubbing and caressing. It was enough to send someone into a spinning orgasm for several minutes, nothing else needed to be done. But for that brief second, that moment before the entire night went blank, Zim had felt a sensation like he never had before. That human had done something he'd never done, never even heard of. And he only wished he knew what it was.

Zim moved two of his fingers into the slit. He felt the soft walls of the slit, feeling the slick cum. It sent a wave of spasms through his entire body as he felt along the walls. He let out a soft sound, trembling from the feeling. But despite the intense sensation, he felt nothing different. He had felt this all before, often when he was alone and longed to rub up against another Irken.

No, that human had done something different.

And it was starting to drive the Invader insane not knowing. He tried rubbing and pushing, but nothing caused that insane feeling that had wiped the rest of his memory clean. Zim let out a sigh and pulled his two fingers out of his slit. He felt the walls pulse a little as though wondering why on Irk he had stopped. He massaged the area around the slit as it slowly closed completely. No need to stay open if no one was going to rub against it.

"Stupid humans. . ." Zim spat out, falling backwards on the bed. His head smacked into the pillow and sent a pulse of pain through his already aching head. He let out a moan, curling up on the bed, hands shooting up in a futile attempt to help the pain. It didn't do much, but he liked to pretend he did.

Tomorrow. He'd figure it out tomorrow. Tonight, he had his headache to worry about.

* * *

If you're a little confused about the Irken anatomy, don't worry, it is all explained in chapter two.

I have a poll up. Naruto and Sasuke won part one (done before this story was posted), but if you like the couple and wanna see them get kinky, take part two and let me know where you'd like to see them get kinky.


	2. Chapter 2

Tuesday came and went before Zim could really even process it. He stayed in bed the entire day, tossing and turning from frustration and illness. Gir banged on the door several times, trying to pry the now locked doors open so he could 'play' with his master. But Zim just tried to sleep, tried to get better, tried to do anything but think about the human and what he'd done to him. He found, however, that it was next to impossible to stop thinking about it.

Irkens weren't built like any other creature in the universe. They had no need to procreate now that they had the birthing facility. They had perfected reproduction to eliminate disease and deformity. Gone were the days of mating and starting a family. Irkens had other things they needed to worry about, mainly the conquering of all other planets so that the Tallest would rule all and the Irken culture could thrive as the rulers of all the universe as it rightfully should be. They had advanced beyond all other beings. They were superior.

However, because their race encouraged wickedness and indulgence, the matter of sex arose amongst the Tallest. Why should they cease such an enjoyable activity just because they had no need to procreate? It was fun and everyone liked to do it. It would be a crime to tell them they couldn't just because they didn't need to have children and had no need to be with one or two Irkens. Instead, they decided that sex should be just for pleasure, a release from daily activity. They would be able to be with as many or as few others as they wanted, exploring all genders and various positions and other kinks they might have had in the past. The only obstacle was the fact that the Brains had removed all reproductive organs from all Irkens, male and female. Replaced was a small slit.

This slit ran from their lower waist, nearly level with their hips, down to the usual spot it stopped on a female. It remained closed unless stimulated. All one needed to do was rub around the lips and they proceeded to get excited. The lips would part, exposing a small cavity with wet, sticky walls. When the slit was wet, the lips would stay opened, baring that cavity to their partner. All Irkens needed to do after that was to rub their bodies together to create one of the most orgasmic feelings known to the society. It would send both into convulsions within minutes of starting the rubbing. The orgasm could last from a few seconds to an hour, constantly shaking the body with such pleasure they thought they might die. The stimulation, the orgasms, would continue so long as the slits were still pressed against the other, rubbing and stroking. Eventually, the walls would stop secreting the sticky cum and the motion would become less pleasurable. That was the sign to stop and recharge for the next round.

Upon investigation, Zim had discovered the difference between male and female Irkens. He had been with several partners, despite his small size, possibly because of his high rank before Impending Doom One. The males had the small cavity he had, the slick walls, and the same small hole in the back for waste. But the females, they had an extra opening in their cavity. It was near the small hole, another little slit. As Tenn had explained, it was for any Irkens that wished to sire a smeet by natural means. Though it wasn't needed, far be it for the Tallest to deny their race from indulging in whatever devious activity they choose. And though a male would have difficulty impregnating a female, it could be done. However, as she had told him, by pressing a finger into that particular slit, females were able to enjoy another type of orgasm. One that Zim didn't quite understand and one that Tenn told him he probably never would, what with him being a male.

But now, he wasn't so sure. He had racked his brain, thinking back to all the partners he'd had in the years before Impending Doom One. There had been quite a few people thrilled to be with an Irken Elite, even if he was as short as he was. They had ignored that to be with the rather promiscuous Invader, who offered himself to everyone and anyone, so long as they were pretty enough and not too tall. But none of the males had ever expressed having such an orgasm. Only the females he had caressed manually.

Zim let out a small moan, dropping his head on his desk. Their teacher, whose name he hadn't bothered to learn despite it being halfway through the school year, didn't even break from her boring lecture about Irk knows what. She dragged on, writing the occasional fact on the board for them to write down. One or two pencils moved, but other than that the entire class was staring into space. A few people were gossiping about Zita's blowout of a party. Someone said that Derek, the football quarterback Derek, had sex with Zita. But the hostess was mum on the topic, only coyly smiling. A paper football flew through the air and smacked a sleeping student in the head. He muttered something, but otherwise didn't stir.

When the Invader raised his head back up, glaring at the back of their boring teacher, he felt eyes on him. He turned towards where the Dib was sitting and found him staring at him with narrowed, suspicious eyes. His pencil dug a dark line down his paper as he glared at the alien. Zim blinked his false eyes and turned away. He was too frustrated to even bother with the stupid human right now.

He sighed a little, running a hand through his now shoulder length hair. He twirled a lock of the hair, shifting his eyes down to his paper. No notes were written on it, but that didn't matter. He head was too full of thoughts to bother even faking interest in the lecture. He tried to think about what the human had done. His fingers had pushed against the slit through his pants. He crossed his legs, feeling the walls clench at the very memory of that night. Zim drew in a slow breath, remembering that touch. He had rubbed the lips as they parted, not seeming to mind the soft fabric of his pants.

That's where Zim's memory got fuzzy. His head was so full of beer that he barely remembered anything from that moment and when he'd been woken up by Zita. She had shaken him, slapped him if he remembered correctly, and told him to leave, that the party was over. He had muttered something, gotten to his feet and made his way out of her house. A few classmates and people he didn't recognize were grabbing any remaining beer and heading out as well. Two girls he didn't know waved and made reference to something he'd said or done. He'd just left, waving and calling Gir to come help him home. But there was barely anything between the touch and waking up.

He thought that maybe he had taken his pants off. Or at least had undone them to give the human access to his slit. That would explain why they'd nearly fallen off when he was walking down the stairs. But he couldn't quite recall. It had been so long ago, or at least, it felt like it. But once he'd gotten back to the base, he had collapsed on the couch and slept most of Sunday away. When he'd woken up, it was to puke a good amount of the booze back up. His head was throbbing in a way it hadn't since the celebration before Impending Doom One, in which he and a couple other Irkens had gone out and gotten a drink imported from some planet, he couldn't remember anymore, and they'd partied the night away.

Zim muttered something in Irken that got the attention of the kid sitting next to him. He cocked his head to one side, looking up at the teacher to find whatever it was written on the board. When he failed to find it, he shrugged and went back to doodling. The Invader pressed his fingers together, narrowing his eyes at the blank paper on his desk. His head was aching, but not from only the booze induced headache but from lack of sleep. Trying to figure this all out, Zim had been unable to sleep for more than a few minutes. He just kept waking up in irritation, touching his slit to see if he could figure it out. All of it was for naught in the end.

The bell rang and one or two students let out a surprised shout. Their teacher raised her head up towards the clock, seemingly shocked herself. Before she could assign any homework, everyone hurried out, running to lunch or their next class or to the parking lot to get the hell outta this place. Zim didn't bother grabbing his paper or pencil. He just got up and left the classroom. He started down the hall towards his next class, the one right before his lunch break.

"Something the matter, Zim?" came Dib's rather accusing voice a moment before the human fell into step beside him. The Irken shifted his gaze towards him, his face as unreadable as it usually was. Dib narrowed his eyes. "Where've you been the last two days? Hmmm?"

"I was sick," Zim answered calmly, waving off the very idea that he'd been up to something. Given the look he received, the human didn't believe him for a second. Before he could question him any further, however, Zim reached his classroom. He flashed teeth in a superior grin, wiggling two fingers at him. "Bye, Dib."

He strolled to his desk in the far back of the class. He looked over his shoulder to see Dib start into the classroom, having no intention of stopping now. But then the teacher, a rather fat old man, bellowed at the top of his lungs that if Dib weren't in this class, he had no business being there. He tried to explain, pointing at the alien, but the teacher had none of it. He jerked a thick finger at the door, telling him he could bother him _after _class. With the students snickering, some openly teasing the human, Dib turned on his heel and marched out of the classroom.

Thus began another boring class filled with useless information about health and drugs and their affects on the body. The only bit that Zim even paid attention to was the mention of alcohol and how they would be starting on that the next day. He mentioned something about a hangover and the Irken noticed a few boys chuckling and mention Zita's party. He assumed that a hangover was related to alcohol, which was probably what he'd had for the last two days. He nodded to himself, making a mental note to have his computer research that. Then, for the rest of the period, he was left to his thoughts, trying to sort out Saturday night.

It proved to be far more irritating than listening to the teacher rant about whatever he was talking about now. He couldn't even remember what the guy had looked like. He could hear him saying his name, but he couldn't recall what that name was. He knew he'd nearly fallen over and that they had kissed. He wasn't even sure how he knew it was a guy. Maybe because he didn't have a chest. In that case, it might have been just a flat chested girl. Tenn was, after all, female and her chest was nothing to gloat about, even given the small size overall for Irken females.

So then, whoever it was, had touched his hips. They, he until Zim could prove otherwise, had touched his slit. Maybe he'd thought he was a female, given how these humans were supposed to be built, according to the teacher and his crude diagrams from earlier that year. He had said something, unbuttoned his pants. Or had he unbuttoned Zim's pants? Oh, whatever. He fingers pressed against the walls of his slit. They had stroked the same way Zim had done to many Irkens, both male and female. There were sparks, his vision was gone, and then Zita was shaking him violently, snapping his head back into the bed.

"Damn," Zim hissed out, his voice loud enough for a few people to glance his way. One girl with far too much makeup stared at him, squinting her eyes as though trying to recall something. But before she could say anything, the teacher barked for her to pay attention. Her head snapped around and Zim was left to his thoughts again.

Not that he spent much more time with them. He rubbed his forehead, feeling the beginnings of a headache. It pulsed at his head, growing more pronounced as the seconds ticked by. He sighed out, dropping his head back onto the desk. He rested his head in his arms, pretending that he was asleep. Oddly enough, the teacher failed to notice. He stared at the desk, reading a couple penciled messages about some girl named 'Stella' or 'Selma', he wasn't quite sure by the chicken scratch this person had called handwriting. His headache seemed to only get worse, the lack of sleep slamming into the back of his mind.

But the moment Zim closed his eyes to get some rest, the ring blared over their teacher. He head snapped up, eyes wide. Students were hurrying out, happy it was finally time for lunch. He got up, rubbing his head as he walked by the loud man. He grumbled about the students and how lazy they were. Zim had a feeling he was talking about him, given the wicked look he gave him. Maybe he'd seen him sit up and realized he'd failed to catch him sleeping. That got the Irken to grin before he headed out of the classroom.

The walk to the cafeteria was busy. He nearly got pushed over by several people, one who laughed and said he was just so short, he hadn't seen him. It made Zim narrow his eyes, glaring with all the hatred of the Irken Armada. He knew he wasn't tall, barely reaching average female height, but it was incredibly tall for him, given the height he'd been for so many years. For the billionth time since the summer before middle school, he cursed the Dib, who had helped alter his pak so he would be normal height. What he'd failed to mention was that five foot three wasn't average. It was short. And he'd done it just to mess with the Irken. But there was nothing Zim could do. He didn't know what the Dib had done and he didn't want to mess with his pak too much.

He made his way to a vending machine, pushed a dollar in and got some sort of Earth snack. Then he sat down at a nearby table, away from any of the humans. He opened the bag, placed it in front of him and then pushed his hands over his eyes. The Invader shook his head a little, muttering to himself about how stupid this all was. He was never going to remember, he should just forget it. But he couldn't. It racked his brain, keeping him up at night and ruining any attempts to relax.

"You look frustrated. Something wrong, huh, Zim?" came Dib's voice. It rang through his mind like a shriek and he visibly shuddered. Raising up his head, he saw the human leaning up against the table, arms crossed over his chest. He gave the Invader a distrusting look.

"It is nothing your puny Earth brain could understand," he explained, his tone biting and rather rude. Dib looked a little shocked, then regained that accusing look he was so used to seeing. The Irken poked one of the snacks, chips if he recalled right, and grinned a little. "Why don't you run off and play with your little toys, Dib-human."

"I bet it's about the party," he answered without being taken back in the slightest. Zim's eyes widened just slightly and the human pointed at him, an arrogant smile on his face. "Aha! I was right! It was the party! You did something stupid, didn't you?! Tell me what it was! Did you take your disguise off?!"

"Oh, shut up, stupid human," Zim spat out, getting to his feet. He pushed the Dib out of his way, elbowing him in the chest. He choked a little, stepping back. Then he grabbed his wrist to stop him from leaving, demanding to know who he'd taken his disguise off for. "Get _off _Zim!"

"No! Tell me! I need to know!" he retorted, going to grab his wrist when he jerked it back. But instead, Zim just slammed his fist against the human's head, knocking him nearly off balance. He rubbed his forehead, glancing up at the red mark. "Ow. Damn, Zim. What's your _problem?! _It's not like you did anything you haven't done before! Don't get so hostile!"

"What would you know about—"

Zim caught himself before he blurted it out. He stood straight, looking away from the human with the slightest amount of fear on his face. He couldn't believe he'd almost demanded to know what Dib knew 'about Irken sex'. When Dib hissed something at him, he didn't answer. He wasn't even sure what he'd said. He just 'uh-huh'ed him, looking around the cafeteria for no real reason. This frustration was getting on his last nerve. He couldn't go shouting things like that to the Dib. He couldn't let him know that this sexual tension was a weak point. He couldn't. He wouldn't.

The Invader's eyes widened a little when he spotted Keef strolling merrily into the lunch room. His orange hair bouncing as he made his way to the vending machine to get something for Zim to drink, like he did nearly every day because he'd noticed the alien didn't ever have a drink. Zim narrowed his eyes wickedly, a smile starting across his face.

"Zim?" Dib asked as the Irken walked away from the table. He stood still, glancing at the chips and then back at Zim's back. Before he could say anything, however, a gothic kid shoved him out of his way and sent him flying to the floor. Not that Zim noticed. He just strolled up to Keef and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and his entire face lit up when he saw those false eyes and wicked smile.

"Hiya, best buddy! I was getting you a soda. Do you want grape?" he chirped out as though nothing could make him happier than being with Zim. And considering their history together, that just may have been the case. The alien glanced at the machine before scanning Keef from head to toe. He was a little taller than him, with the same stupid haircut and idiotic smile he'd always had. He wasn't nearly as handsome as Zim's previous partners on Irk, but at the very least, he was better than Gir. Well, alright, humans were the last species on Zim list of aliens he might one day want to have sex with, but he wasn't about to give Gir permission to get anywhere near his slit. Not with his habit of damaging or destroying things. No, Keef would do.

Zim slid an arm around Keef's shoulders pulling him down a couple inches. The boy squeaked a little with excitement, eagerly listening for whatever his 'bestest buddy' had to say. The Irken glanced around to make sure the Dib wasn't eavesdropping. Then he gestured between the two of them with one finger, his smile growing more wicked with each passing second.

"You will come to Zim's house after school," he ordered rather than asked, his voice low but just as evil as it always was when he was up to something. Keef bounced up and down a little, stopping only when the Irken dug his nails roughly into his shoulder, causing him to flinch a little. "And you will have sex with Zim?"

Keef's entire body went still, his eyes widening and some of the color draining out of his face. He stared at those false eyes for a moment before his face went beet red. He bit his lower lip, shaking for some reason unknown to the Invader. He just gave him a look, quickly letting him go. Keef bobbed his head up and down happily.

"Y-Yes, best buddy! I would _love _to!" he exclaimed, his voice far louder than Zim had hoped it would be. He looked over his shoulder, fear creeping up a little. But seeing that only Dib was watching with narrowed eyes, he relaxed and turned back to the excitable boy in front of him. He moved forward, arms stretching out wide. Zim's eyes widened and he stepped back, pushing a finger roughly against Keef's forehead.

"Don't touch me."

Keef stood straight, his hands dropping. But he didn't look annoyed or sad. He just smiled, shaking a little, his face still as red as could be. Zim gave him a look, one eye fully opened and the other half shut. He didn't understand this child, but if he were a willing partner, then at least he had a better chance at figuring out what that human had done to excite him so.

He grinned, rather pleased with himself.

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This story is a ZaDr. Trust me. Just give it some more chapters before you flame me.

On that note, please review if you liked it. I would really love it if you did.

Hee. The Dib. I love the way Zim calls him 'the Dib' in the show. So I had to use it. And, yay, Keef. Always good for a laugh. . .


	3. Chapter 3

Keef was waiting at Zim's locker when he made his way over. He had no reason to go to his locker, since he hadn't brought any books to school today, but he assumed that's where the annoying little worm would be. And he was, bouncing up and down, clutching his books to his chest with a wide, more excited than usual look on his face. He waved wildly as the Irken approached, shouting his name as though he couldn't see him. Zim didn't wave back, he just nodded his head and motioned for the child to follow him. He bounded over happily, falling into step with the Invader.

"I can't believe we're going to have. . ." he paused and glanced around as though he expected someone to be listening. Zim gave him his signature look, one eye wide and the other narrowed, as Keef leaned a little closer and dropped his voice. "_Sex."_

"Yes. Feel honored and such," Zim replied, flicking his wrist at the boy. He squeaked with glee, biting his lower lip to keep from shouting something pointless, he was sure. Then he rambled off something the Irken didn't bother to listen to, holding open the door for Zim.

"I always knew you didn't like girls, Zim. I always knew. And I knew we were close. But I never, ever, ever, ever—" Keef started, clutching his books tighter to his chest. He stopped in his sentence, however, when Zim held up one hand. He turned to the human, narrowing his eyes a little bit. It didn't faze Keef in the slightest, but that was besides the point.

"I did not say I don't like girls. Do not assume you can understand the mind of Zim, stupid worm baby," he stated, gesturing in the air quite dramatically as he spoke. Keef raised his eyebrows as though shocked to hear Zim liked females, but otherwise, he was unaffected by the insult to his intelligence. In fact, if Zim had to guess, his smile widened a little more.

"You're so cool, buddy. I can't wait to have. . ._sex_. . .with you," he exclaimed rather loudly, though he dropped his voice at the word 'sex' again. Zim looked around, but didn't see anyone around. He looked back at Keef, who was blushing rather deeply at the very mention of sex with the Irken. He gave him a look, then turned back to the sidewalk in front of them.

He didn't understand why on Irk Keef would be so embarrassed by the action of sex, let alone the word. Certainly, he might understand him not wanting any others to hear. That was obvious, not wanting others to know what happened behind closed doors if you weren't sure about your partner. That was most certainly why Zim hadn't announced to the entire cafeteria that he was inviting the stupid boy to his base for sex. Well, that and he didn't want the Dib to know what he was doing. He hadn't expected such embarrassment from Keef. No, actually he expected him to tell everyone he knew that he and his 'bestest buddy' were going to have sex after school.

On Irk, or any place Irkens were for that matter, sex was nearly as common as breathing, most certainly as common as snacking. When someone wanted to go a round, they need only ask and if their proposed partner found them equally pleasing, they would agree. There was no embarrassment, no shyness, and certainly no lowering of the voice at the word 'sex'. They would just head off to their quarters, chatting about what they wanted to do. If they didn't know each other, they would exchange names and sometimes positions.

"Why do you act embarrassed?" Zim finally asked, cutting Keef off about whatever he'd been talking about. The human stumbled over his words, glancing around as though he wasn't sure what he was talking about. The Invader rolled his eyes and motioned between them. "About having sex with Zim."

"Oh. . . um. . .well, you know. . ." he started, pushing his two index fingers together as though incredibly nervous. His face burned red and he stared rather intensely at the ground in a manner that Zim had never seen from the excitable boy before. He paused for a moment, then raised his eyes to his 'buddy', smiling widely. "Because it's intimate. . . between two friends. . . or. . . um. . ._lovers." _

Part of Zim wanted to call the whole thing off. He would manage by himself or cave and let Gir help. There was no way he was even going to consider letting Keef think for a moment, a nano second even, that they were _lovers. _He would simply not stand for it. There was no way such an amazing IRKEN INVADER would ever partner with such a lowly creature. If Zim were to partner with anyone in such an intimate way to actually refer to them as a 'lover', it would be a fellow Invader. Someone of the Irken race, certainly. He could never consider anyone else _worthy _to be his lover.

But at the same time, Zim did not shove the boy away and order him to go home, to never speak of this again. It had been years, decades by Irken standards, since he had rubbed up against another Irken. So long since he had felt an orgasm creeping over his body, filling him up with pleasure. And in such a magnificent way! There was no way he could pass any chance to feel that again. Even if it were with Keef.

"We are not _lovers. _ZIM has no lovers," he announced instead, jerking one hand in front of Keef in a silencing motion. His voice was final and even though Keef's smile faltered, he didn't argue. After all, he was still allowed over and his 'bestest buddy' was still going to have sex with him. That seemed to be enough to please him.

Not that it shut him up. Zim spent the rest of the walk home half listening to the human as he rambled on and on about meaningless things. He nodded occasionally, muttering an 'uh-huh' when the time seemed to call for it. He glanced every now and then at the bouncing child as he exclaimed that he was 'so happy' and that he 'couldn't wait' and other pointless things. He started to talk about his day and Zim looked away. He tuned out the rest of the 'conversation', having no desire to hear about his day and how 'wonderful' it was.

Seeing his house, despite the fact that Gir was chasing the mailman around the front yard screaming about makeup, was an enormous relief. He let out a sigh, shaking his head a little as Keef shouted hello to Gir. The robot didn't even take notice, jumping into the air. The mailman screamed as he was hit and slammed into one of the gnomes. Lasers shot off at random directions as Zim marched by with Keef skipping behind him. He opened the door, which naturally wasn't locked, and ushered the annoying human inside.

"Wow! It's been so long since I've been to your house, Zim! I've never seen your bedroom. I bet it's neat though. You're so neat, Zim," Keef chirped out, walking in circles to take in the living room he must have seen at least a dozen times. The Irken watched him, glancing at the messy kitchen. A chicken clucked by the doorway and Zim narrowed one eye a little. Then he turned back to Keef, who was searching for his bedroom.

"Yes, yes, Zim is '_neat'. _Now, to the. . .uh. . ." he announced, stumbling over the word 'bedroom'. He glanced from Keef to the kitchen. His bedroom was below the house, in the lab. In order to take him there, he would have to risk exposing his base. Knowing that most certainly wouldn't do, he glanced around the room for some sort of solution. He spotted the couch and grinned, gesturing to it with one hand. "To the couch."

"The couch?" Keef repeated, following Zim's finger as though he didn't know where it was. For a second and only a second, he stared in a rather confused way at it, then he broke into that familiar smile and clapped energetically. "Sounds great, buddy."

"Of course it does," Zim muttered, rolling his eyes in an annoyed way. Keef failed to notice as he followed the Invader to the couch. Both of them sat down, Zim confidently and the human a little more awkwardly. Then they sat still for a moment, watching the other for some sort of sign. Zim glanced at the TV before clearing his throat and flicking his wrist at the strangely nervous boy. He perked up at the very acknowledgment, something that sent a mild shudder down Zim's spine. "You, off the couch. On your knees, human."

As Keef obediently climbed off the couch, though he still looked rather confused, the Invader undid his pants. He moved as needed, pulling his pants down enough to expose his slit. The human drew in a breath before grinning so widely it looked like it should hurt. Zim leaned back against the couch, his legs parted so that Keef could move forward. He started to unbutton his jeans when Zim held up one hand.

"Stop. Stop. I said 'on your knees'," he restated, pointing at the floor with such a serious look on his face that the boy dropped on his knees almost instantly. He winced a little, but otherwise showed no sign of pain or discomfort. Zim motioned for him to come closer and he did, looking up at his 'buddy' with a puzzled look. Clearly, he was clueless about what to do next. It frustrated the Invader almost as much as failing to remember what had happened at Zita's party did. He gritted his teeth, but didn't say anything rude. He just reached forward and coiled his three fingers in Keef's hair. "Don't just sit there!"

With that said, he jerked the human forward. He let out a shout, one hand going to grab Zim's wrist and the other slamming against his knee. The next second, however, his face was pushed against his slit and Keef stopped moving. His hand gripped his wrist, but he didn't pull back. He just stared at the slit he was pressed up against. The Invader released his hair as he took a few deep breathes, the hot air brushing against his entrance in a most pleasing way. Keef moved a little, gripped Zim's legs as the lips parted to let him in. He glanced up, saw his 'buddy's' eyes were closed, fingers idly rubbing his lower stomach, and then looked back down. He slowly, nervously opened his mouth.

Zim let out a small sound when he felt the first lick. It was slow, hesitant, but it still felt good. His partner moved a little more, trying to get closer to the slit as it parted, opening to let him in further and further. But instead of licking the walls, he stayed at the slit. He ran his tongue, nervously at first, over the lips, tasting him. He heard him let out a shaky breathe and shuddered when the heat of it rolled over the slit. Zim pressed his fingers against his lower stomach, stimulating himself a little bit. The lips parted a bit more, some of his sticky cum dripping out. Keef moved closer, licking the cum curiously. He found it sweet, almost like sugar. He licked it off the couch, touching it with one finger. He rubbed it between two fingers and then licked them.

The Irken opened one eye when he noticed that Keef had completely stopped licking his slit. He looked down, both eyes open now. He saw that the boy was tasting the cum that had dripped on to the couch, licking it off his fingers. A shudder of rage traveled from his antennae to his toes and he twitched rather violently. Keef raised his head a little, feeling his legs twitch. Zim reached down and gripped his head tightly. The human let out a shout, hands once against going to stop him.

"You're not here for your enjoyment. You are here for ZIM'S!" he spat out in a voice so vicious Keef recoiled as best he could. But Zim didn't give him any chance to defend himself or apologize. He just shoved his head forward, pushing his face completely against the parted slit. Keef sucked in a breath, and nearly choked on the sugary smell of the Invader. He whined, trying to move his head. But Zim's grip only tightened, pushing him closer. "NOW, continue."

Keef nodded his head as best he could. Then he opened his mouth and licked the inner walls of Zim's cavity. His tongue pressed hard, sending a spasm through the Irken. He rolled his head back against the couch, letting out a low moan. The human continued, licking just as hard around the walls. He slurped up the cum as it ran down more and more with each passing lick. He moved his head, rubbing up against the spread lips. A shot of ecstacy went through Zim and he pushed Keef's head harder against him. The child gasped, trying to breathe. The hot air he exhaled and inhaled rolled over the slick walls. Zim moaned, the muscles in his body clenching up tightly. He pressed his free hand against his lower stomach, near the slit. He traced rough circles over the flesh, sending small spasms through his cavity.

The licking got rougher the next moment. Keef drank up the cum as it came, trying to pleasure his partner. Zim moaned and groaned, his hand pushing only that much harder against his head. He tried to move back, gulped down a mouthful of the sweet, sugary taste and coughed. He exhaled a great deal of air, making the walls shudder and clench. He pushed one hand against Zim's leg, trying to get him to release his head. But he only gasped and gripped his hair even tighter. He rubbed his the top of his nose against the edge of the slit, trying to tilt his head back. But it only seemed to excite Zim more. He pressed his fingers roughly against his lower stomach, his legs pushing into Keef's body. He wriggled against him, licking the rim around the walls, trying to pull back enough to breathe something besides the overly sweet scent of the Invader.

"Ugh. . . Harder, dammit. Don't be so shy," Zim muttered out, giving Keef's head a rough jerk. His forehead slammed against his body, just above the slit. It sent a pulse of pleasure through the Irken and he grinned. Keef sucked in another mouthful of that sweet smell and started to run his tongue over the slick walls again. He traced his tongue over them harder, nearly choking on the cum as it dripped down. He felt it at his chin, dripping on to the couch. He moved a little, running his tongue over the edge of the cavity. For a brief second, Zim's body convulsed and he was able to get a lung full of air. He swallowed it before being shoved right back between his 'buddy's' legs. He ran his tongue over the lips, still parted and begging for more. "Harder."

Keef was about to resume the motion when there was a crashing sound. Zim jerked up, slamming his hand down hard on the human's head. He let out a choking sound muffled by his slit and pushed against the Irken's legs with both hands. But he paid him no mind, staring with wide eyes at the broken window and the Dib, who was standing there with some sort of human weapon. He had it raised towards the alien, a look of war clearly written on his face. Zim looked from the human to Keef, who was still pushed rather far between his legs. He jerked a little as that hot air rolled over the walls of his slit again.

"Oh, GOD!" Dib shouted out, jerking back and dropping the weapon. It landed with a clunk as he pushed his hands over his face. Zim gave him his usual look as he stepped back, shaking his head furiously. He pointed at the two of them, his hand shaking with anger or shock or disgust or a mixture of the three. "_What _are you _doing!?" _

Zim didn't answer. He just gave the human a rather annoyed look, releasing Keef's head. He jerked back with wide eyes, gasping for air. He sucked in a good few breaths, falling on to his butt. Then he wiped away the excess cum and just sat there, taking careful breaths. Zim, on the other hand, sat up and jerked his pants up to cover his slit, moving so that Dib couldn't get a glimpse or see the cum staining his pants and legs.

"GIR!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, the sound causing both Keef and Dib to jump. Dib turned as the robot came climbing in through the broken window. He dropped to the floor and saluted his master. Dib could only assume his eyes had gone red for a moment the way they usually did when Zim shouted for him. "GET HIM OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

Gir stood still for a moment, either because he had no idea which 'he' his master was talking about or because he had no intention of obeying. He stared at Zim, looking down at his waist, or so it seemed. Then he let out a loud shriek and ran towards Dib. He let out a shout, stepping back to get out of his way. When he continued to run after him, the human let out another shout and hurried to the door. He paused once he'd ripped it open, realizing that he hadn't needed to break the window after all. The two mortal enemies glared death at each other.

"This isn't over, Zim," he spat out in a rather evil tone, pointing at him with an accusing finger. Gir jumped in front of him with a scream of 'boo' and the human was gone. He glared from the lawn, got fired at by a laser, then headed off down the street, shaking his head as though he strongly regretted following the alien to his house to find out what he could possibly want with Keef.

Zim turned away from the window, relaxing a little. He let out a rather heavy sigh, pushing a hand against his forehead. He muttered a string of swear words in Irken before he noticed that Gir was standing near him, directly next to the human still in the house. He narrowed his false eyes, lowering his hand from his head.

"What is it, Gir?" he asked, each word more bitter and annoyed than the last. Gir moved forward, reaching out with his 'paw'. Before Zim could stop him, he touched the couch, where it was wet from his cum. Fury soared through the Invader and he let out a shrill sound, swinging one fist at his robot. There was the sound of metal against bone and Gir was laying on the ground, twitching as though he'd actually been hurt. "_Don't _touch it."

"Awwww, why not, Master?" he whined out, sitting back up. He pouted, squeaked from the disguise, but received no answer. In fact, Zim just held his pants up, getting to his feet. He stormed by both Gir and Keef without answering either of their questions as to where he was going.

He stormed into the kitchen, passed the clucking chicken that was pecking at leftover waffles, and headed for his base. He needed to think. He needed to clean up. He needed to just be alone right now.

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A/N: This IS a ZaDr. Don't think I tricked you into reading a Zim/Keef. Just give it time.

Please R&R.

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	4. Chapter 4

The halls of the base were long and winding. It was a typical Irken design to confuse any intruders, getting them lost until they were weak enough to torture information out of. Zim's boots made a soft clunking sound on the metal floor as he walked down one of the hallways. It turned left several times, machines beeping or flashing the occasional light. Usually, the Invader would stop to check the machine out to make sure nothing was about to blow up and the computer had failed to inform him. But not right now. He didn't want to think about the mission, even if it might help take his mind off things.

He wasn't embarrassed or ashamed. No, this Irken didn't know the meaning of such words. He could have held his head high and just laughed at the naivety of the human, pushing Keef right back where he was. The Dib knew he was an alien and Zim had come to enjoy teasing him about his inability to expose him to the human race. Taunting him sexually would only add to that enjoyment because he knew the Dib wasn't sexually active. He was still untouched, as several of the kids' teasing had proved over this last school year. As far as Zim was concerned, the fact that he was sexually active was just another thing to prove he was the superior being.

But still. . . There was something that didn't sit right with Zim. He didn't know what it was, though it was on the tip of his tongue. He had seen that disgusted face and suddenly he didn't want to be in front of Gir and Keef. Perhaps the Dib was just a buzz kill, but he didn't think so. Maybe he just wasn't used to seeing someone recoil so badly at the sight of sex, least of all involving him. When was the last time someone had been disgusted by it? He couldn't remember, but he knew it must have been before Impending Doom One.

The Irken slowed to a stop in front of his personal chambers. He narrowed his eyes at the door, though he had no reason to do so. Then he raised one hand and pressed his palm against the door. It scanned his hand print, a smiley face appeared and the door slid open. He marched into the room, the door snapping shut behind him. He made sure it was locked before he tore the wig off his head and threw it on the ground. He didn't bother with the contacts as he dropped onto his bed.

He grabbed one of his spare shirts off the usually incredibly clean floor. The massive hangover he'd had left him uncaring of his bedroom's appearance, not giving a damn about germs or anything of the sort. But now he most certainly had some cleaning to do. But for now, it could wait. He quickly scanned the room and his clothes and some drink containers and snack wrappers on the floor. Then he twisted the shirt up in his hands before pushing his pants down.

A small gasp escaped his lips before he could stop it when he pressed the shirt against his slit. The lips parted to let it in, hoping for an eager partner. Instead, the fabric felt rough against the sensitive walls. They pulsed around the shirt, secreting cum to try and get it wet. But the shirt merely matted it up as Zim rubbed it around to clean himself up. A few tremors of pleasure dripped down his spine and he shuddered, closing his eyes for a moment. Then he drew the shirt out, turned it so a dry area was showing. He eased it over the delicate lips, cleaning the area around the slit. He felt his body reacting, growing just slightly wet. But it didn't leak, so he didn't bother pressing the shirt into the cavity again. After cleaning the slit of all cum, he dabbed a dry spot against his pants in a futile attempt to clean them. Deciding it wasn't worth it, he just opted to change pants and got back to his feet.

He pulled off his boots and then wriggled his way out of his tight pants. He tossed them amongst the rest of the clothes that needed to be cleaned and dropped the sticky shirt on top of it. Then he walked to his closet and slid the door to the side. Zim grabbed a new pair and was in the middle of pulling them on when there was a banging on his bedroom door. He yanked them up and fastened them, turning with a confused look on his face. The banging got louder and he rolled his false eyes, strolling over.

"What, Gir?" he asked in a bitter tone after he had unlocked and pulled open the door. His robot grinned at him, waving with one hand. The disguise squeaked when he pulled the head off. Zim narrowed his eyes, hands on his hips, waiting for an answer.

"Keef's makin' waffles!" Gir declared loudly, waving both hands in the air as he said it. Zim opened one eye fully as the robot danced around in a circle happily, repeating the statement. Then the Irken raised his eyes to the ceiling as though he had heard the human upstairs.

When Zim thought about it, there was no real reason to let the afternoon end so horribly. Keef was still there and Dib wouldn't be showing his big head anytime soon. It would be easy enough to get rid of Gir, that much he knew. Even if he had to chain the robot to a tree outside, it could be done. Then he could get back to finding out what that mystery human had done to him at the party. And besides, he hadn't even orgasmed yet. He nodded to himself, lowering his head from the ceiling. A slow smile made it's way across his face as he thought about all the wonderful things he would be doing with that stupid human. Zim was just starting his rather wicked laugh when he noticed Gir wasn't standing in front of him anymore. He stared at the spot the robot had been a moment ago before looking around.

"Enh?"

Horror consumed him from the tips of his antennae to his toes. His eyes widened, pupils shrinking as he stared at his robot. Gir was sniffing the discarded shirt and pants. Zim's body jerked violently as the horror quickly dissolved to an overwhelming rage. He clenched his hands into tight fists, his teeth bared and eyes sharpened to points. Gir didn't seem to notice the glowing rage radiating off his master as he poked the shirt. The alien walked up behind him, fire burning in his false eyes. Then the robot licked the shirt and Zim let out a scream, causing Gir to jump and jerk around.

"Wheee! I'm gonna die!" Gir screamed out, clapping happily as the spider legs emerged from Zim's pak. They aimed at the smiling creature, who waved as though they were friends he hadn't seen in the longest time. The next moment, however, a blast of light shot from them and he was blown into the wall. He crashed into the metal, bending it quite a bit. Smoke rose from him as he fell forward, landing with a soft thud on the floor. Sparks spit from various parts on his body, him twitching every so often.

Zim didn't bother to see if he would get back up or if he would just shut down until he was repaired. He grabbed his wig off the floor, adjusted it over his antennae and fluffed the ends a little, then turned on his heel and marched out of the room. He heard Gir say something stupid, but he didn't bother to listen to what it was. He just went back up to the ground floor, emerging from the toilet and stepping into the kitchen.

"Hiya, Buddy," Keef sang out the very second his foot hit the floor. Zim shuddered, realizing for the first time that he'd forgotten to put his boots back in. Which, all this considered, had probably been what Gir had been saying. He glared at him despite the fact that he wasn't there and it wasn't his fault anyways. Then he turned his attention back to the human stirring batter at his stove. "Feelin' better?"

"Sure, whatever. To the couch, Keef! We have _business _to attend to!" he replied, pointing towards the living room as he marched over. He grabbed the collar of the boy's shirt and gave a quick jerk, causing him to choke and nearly drop the bowl on the floor. He stumbled backwards as Zim tugged him towards the couch to continue where they'd left off.

"I was thinking we could go see a movie. Do you wanna see a movie? There's a good one playing. About _aliens. _I bet you would like that, huh, Zim? Maybe we could make it like a date! Ooh, wouldn't that be—oof!" Keef's rambling was cut short when Zim jerked him around and shoved him to the floor. He caught himself with his elbow, though his head still smacked against the floor. He rubbed the back of his head as Zim unbuttoned his pants. "Or maybe we could see about that circus. We never did get to go to the circus. Do you wanna go to the circus?"

"Enough chatter. You will continue where you left off so that ZIM may be pleasured," the Invader answered, waving off the very thought of going anywhere with Keef. He blinked, lowering his eyes as Zim jerked his pants down to reveal his slit again. And again, the human blushed a little, biting his lower lip.

Zim sat down on the couch, near where it was still wet. He spread his legs, pushing his pants down so that they were bunched at his ankles. Keef started talking about something or other as he moved to his knees. He gestured to the Irken, saying something about 'breathing'. Zim didn't pay attention. He just leaned forward, grabbed the boy by the hair and jerked his head forward. Keef let out a small shout before his mouth was pushed against the slit, his nose just over it. He struggled, his head jerking a little. But he was no match for the Irken, who just held him steady with one hand quite easily.

Keef struggled, pushing his hands against his partner's bare legs and the couch. But he was just pushed harder and harder against his slit. The lips parted, allowing him entrance to the sweet walls inside. He sucked in that sugary air and choked. He panted for breathe, trying to tilt his head back. But just as before, it was hopeless. He whined before starting to lick the inner walls, swallowing several mouthfuls of the slick, sweet cum. It ran down his chin and out of the hole, onto the already damp couch. He pressed his tongue hard against the cavity, wriggling it around as Zim started to moan. His body clenched up a little, legs squeezing into the body. He arched his back, pushing his entrance against Keef even more. He struggled to get any air in, his nose firmly pushed to the top of the slit, just above the opening.

After another moment, however, Zim's grip loosened enough for him to breathe. He let out several longs gasps of hot air, exhaling it directly over the slit. The lips tingled, opening to expose the wet walls inside. They dripped with cum as Keef wiped his face off. Zim's three fingered dug into the back of his head as the pulses of the sensation began to wear off. He opened one eye as the human held up one finger.

"Hey, Buddy, maybe we could get something to eat? I was making waffles. Then we could go see a mov—"

Keef's head was slammed back against the wet slit before he could utter another word. Zim held his head there with both hands clamped on his head. He leaned forward to make sure he couldn't move. That heat rolled off his mouth and filled his pussy with pleasure so wonderful the Irken's vision went hazy. He let out a moan as he felt the breaths growing quicker, faster, sharper. Each one hit Zim like a wave, crashing through his body and shaking his very being. His body trembled and his slit was slick with cum. His eyes started to roll back, the orgasm creeping up faster and faster.

Zim's body let go when he felt the boy's body jerking, his head pulsing against his slit. He let out a moan, a scream, a shout in Irken as the orgasm consumed his body. He held on tightly to Keef's head, holding him there to feel that breath and the occasional flicker of a tongue. It traveled through his body, slamming into every inch of him, rattling his bones and tearing through his head. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't move. He just screamed as it went through him over and over. His body started to contort as it continued. For several minutes, it lasted. Then it faded, leaving the Irken gasping for air, so hot and sticky with cum. He fell back against the couch, releasing the human at long last. He rolled his eyes back into his head, taking a moment to gather himself. He wiggled his antennae under the wig, feeling a tingling sensation still radiating through them. It made him smile and look down to see if Keef was just as pleased.

The human lay on the floor, eyes rolled back into his head. He was still for a moment, looking like he had just died. The Invader was pushing himself up, starting to ask what was wrong and if he had died, when his body twitched. He coughed, jerking on the floor. Zim sighed out heavily, slumping back against the couch. He gave Keef his usual look, one eye wide and the other half shut, as the boy rolled over onto his hands and knees. One hand shot to his throat and he choked a little. He spat a mouthful of thick liquid on the floor. It took a moment for Zim to realize it was his cum. Keef spat a little more of it on the floor, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Then he took a shaky breath and sat back on his butt.

While the boy struggled to breathe properly again, Zim pressed his fingertips together, looking elsewhere. He frowned a little bit, tapping his fingers against the others idly. He hadn't been touched, rubbed against, in many years, and an orgasm was always something to look forward to. But, despite that, now that he was focused again, he had to admit that he was disappointed. His frown increased, eyes narrowing at the wall. It was nothing he hadn't felt before. The soft tongue, the hot breath, the shaking. It had all happened before. The only difference was that Zim had never nearly suffocated his partner before. Irkens breathed through their antennae, so pushing completely against the slit was never a problem. Clearly, for humans, it was.

"That was. . ._good._ . . but it was not what I was looking for. We must try again. And this time, I expect better from you, Keef," Zim concluded, moving his hands as he spoke. He pushed himself into a sitting position and curled his fingers towards the boy. "On your knees."

"Um. . . uh. . ." Keef started, shaking a little bit and looking around for some sort of answer on the walls. When he failed to find one, he turned back to the hawk like watch of his 'bestest buddy'. Zim's eyes narrowed a little more and he swallowed rather hard. Then he gestured to the kitchen and the door as he stumbled to his feet. Twice he fell over, but he eventually managed to stand up. "Actually, buddy, I have to go. . . uh. . plan your surprise party! I had fun, but I have to go. But I'll see you tomorrow at school! And then we can go see a movie! That would be fun. Bye, Zim."

He waved wildly as he walked backwards to the front door. He bumped into it, looked back and laughed a little. Then he said goodbye a few more times as he jerked the door open and slipped out. Zim stared in shock as his stalker, the boy he'd had to hypnotize to get him to leave, willingly hurried away from the house, though still waving and calling goodbye. He let out an annoyed sigh, dropping his hands onto his stomach. He fingered his lower stomach, an inch away from his slit and felt a bit aroused. Then he glared at the door.

"This never would have happened if that stupid, annoying, pathetic _Dib _hadn't shown up," he spat out to no one in particular. He gritted his teeth angrily before a thought passed through his wicked head. If the Dib had caused the problem, he should be forced to pay for it. Zim sat back up, starting to laugh wickedly as he thought about all the pain he was going to inflict on that filthy human.

"WAFFLES!" Gir screamed out, running into the living room with the chicken held over his head. He ran around in a couple circles as his master's laugh cut as he stared in confusion. Then he shrieked and ran back to the kitchen with the chicken clucking in fear, trying to get away. The Invader heard him running around the already messy kitchen, no doubt making the mess much worse. He sighed heavily, pushing himself to his feet.

When he walked into the next room, he saw his robot dunking the wailing chicken into the batter Keef had been stirring. He laughed wildy, screaming something at the top of his lungs that sounded similar to 'chicken waffles', but Zim couldn't be entirely sure. As he pulled open a drawer and grabbed a pink towel with the Irken symbol on it, Gir climbed into the bowl with the chicken. He rocked it side to side, sloshing some of the batter onto the floor. Zim gave him a dirty look that went unnoticed as he twisted the towel up. Then he turned his back to the robot and proceeded to clean himself up for the second time that day. He leaned down and pulled his pants up right before the chicken ran by followed by Gir.

"WAIT! COME BACK!" he shouted out, skidding out of the kitchen. He banged into the wall, but just kept up after the terrified fowl. Zim opened his mouth, considering telling Gir to stop. Then he decided he didn't really care since he was leaving anyways and just headed out of the house. He pulled the door shut behind him and marched towards the Dib's house.

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Omg, Keef left Zim. . . .So random. . .Please read and review. ^.^


	5. Chapter 5

Dib screamed, jumping up from his computer chair as his window shattered. He twisted around, nearly falling over in the process, eyes wide and color drained from his face. Most of the shock left his face when Zim dropped down on his bed, dusting himself of any pieces of glass that might have gotten on him when he broke the window. The Dib looked at the mess on his bed, glaring at the alien as he walked to the edge of the bed and hopped off.

"Why did you break my window?" he asked, pointing offhandedly to the ruins of it. Zim glanced back over his shoulder as though he had just realized it was broken. Then he grinned evilly at the human, dramatically gesturing with one hand in the air in a rather mocking tone.

"Why did you break mine?" was his answer, every bit as rude as it could possibly be. Dib opened his mouth to say something, then shut it. They both knew that Zim didn't need to break into his house. No one in the house besides Dib thought he was worth keeping away and willingly let him inside, unlike when the human went to Zim's house and was shot at. Zim gloated in his 'superiority' for a moment before jerking one finger at the Dib, false eyes narrowing sharply. "_You _ruined my plan and I'm here to make you pay! Oh, how you shall pay!"

Dib shifted his stare from Zim to the wall, mouthing the word 'plan'. A second later, he bunched up his nose and stuck out his tongue in disgust. The human visibly shuddered from head to toe, looking back at the Invader with a shocked expression on his face. He gestured towards him a little, trying to say whatever it was he wanted. He swallowed and finally forced himself to say it.

"You mean. . . you and. . ._Keef?" _he spat out like he had a rather horrible taste in his mouth. Zim's eyes narrowed only that much more and the Dib grimaced again. He rubbed one arm with the other, looking away for a brief moment. When he looked back, he narrowed one eye in a rather similar fashion to the Irken. He pointed to Zim's feet with one hand. "Why aren't you wearing any shoes?"

"Enh?" Zim asked, looking down in mild confusion. Sure enough, he still wasn't wearing any shoes. It took a minute for him to remember taking his boots off to change pants, in which he must have forgotten to put them back on after fighting with Gir. He snapped his head back up, his hair fluffing into his face. But he glared wickedly nevertheless and jerked his hand to one side in a cutting motion. "Never you mind!"

"Um. . . okay. . . " he muttered, glancing back down to his feet. He gave the Irken a slightly confused look before he nodded curtly. He grinned a little before gesturing to him. "You forgot to put them on, didn't you?"

"SILENCE!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. The sudden shout made Dib jump a little and step back, his eyes wide. Before he could relax, knowing that the Invader had a habit of screaming for no reason, Zim had cleared the few feet between them. He shoved one finger roughly into the Dib's chest, making him flinch in pain. He barely got the 'ow' out before he shoved him back, nearly knocking him over. "_You _ruined _everything!"_

"What the hell are you talking about?! If I'd known you were doing . . . _that _I never would've broken in! Trust me, I'm as upset about it as you are! But I doubt I 'ruined' anything! Keef does whatever you say! If you weren't smart enough to just. . . continue. . .that's not my fault!" Dib spat out, slapping Zim's hands away before he could hit him again. The Irken's eyes widened before they sharpened to points. He slammed both hands into Dib's chest, knocking him against the desk. "Ow! Dammit, Zim!"

"_You listen to me, you insolent little worm," _Zim hissed through clenched teeth, his voice filled all the hatred he had ever felt for the Dib. The hatred that dripped from each and every word was enough to make the human stop fighting, lowering his hands with a stunned look on his face. His eyes widened a little as he was jerked to eye level with the furious creature. Zim coiled his hand around in Dib's shirt, pushing one finger against his chest from his free hand. "You have _no_ idea how long it's been since Zim has had an orgasm! I _finally _got a partner and you go and _ruin _it with your stupid paranormal whatevers. I will make you _pay _for that, _Dib._"

A moment passed between the two. There was fear on Dib's face for the briefest of seconds before he shifted his stare elsewhere. When he looked back, he seemed confused. Zim pressed his finger again his chest a little more and made him wince. But he didn't scream or seem even that much afraid. He opened his mouth, saw the Irken twitch and closed it. Another moment ticked by before he finally narrowed his eyes in confusion.

"Why don't you just masturbate?" he asked, shrugging and gesturing with both hands to the Invader. Zim opened his mouth to snap an answer when he realized he didn't have one. In fact, he didn't even know what the human was even talking about. He ran the word 'masturbate' through his head three or four times in the time it took for him to let go of Dib and step back. He twirled a lock of his hair a little, his false eyes narrowing in thought. But the word wasn't in his vocabulary. He had never heard it before. He motioned towards the Dib with one hand, turning back to him with his usual look.

"What is this 'masturbate' you speak of?" he asked, tilting his head to the side as he asked. Dib blinked, the look on his face clearly shocked. A blush went across his cheeks the next second before he turned away. Rather nervously, the younger rubbed the back of his neck, not sure of what to say. When he saw an annoyed expression creeping back over the Irken's face, however, he held out his hands in a type of surrender in order to calm him down. It didn't work, but he hardly thought it would have.

"You don't know what. . . .masturbation is?" Dib questioned, moving one hand out towards him. The dark look he received clearly told him that if the Invader knew, he most certainly wouldn't be asking him. He nodded, pushing his glasses up a little. "Okay. . . .um. . .well, it's when you. . . ah. . .pleasure yourself. . . sexually."

"Pleasure yourself? As in, manually?" Zim stated, his tone puzzled beyond belief. When the Dib nodded his head, avoiding his piercing stare at all costs, Zim drew back a little. He rolled the concept around his head, pressing the tips of his fingers together a little. It sounded foreign, odd to him. It wasn't the first time he'd heard of self pleasuring, as many aliens races were rumored to partake in it. But to him, a proud Irken, it was as odd as things could be. He flicked his wrist towards the human, who snapped his head up at the sudden movement. "Is this 'masturbation' common among you filthy humans?"

"Well, yeah. That what humans do when. . . uh. . .they don't have a lover. It's supposed to. . .well. . .feel just as good. . so they. . .do it. . .a lot. . .It's real common. . . What, Irkens don't?" Dib answered, tilting his head to one side as he asked about his culture. Zim hesitated for just a moment and a honey slow smile crossed the Dib's lips. He thumbed towards him, one hand at his hip and a pleased look on his face. "You don't, do you? You don't have sex unless you have a partner? So much for a superior race, huh? Can't even think to have solo sex."

Before Dib could get the first chuckle out, Zim jerked forward. He slammed his fist into his face, snapping his head to the side. Both of them stood frozen then, staring at the bright red blood that dripped from the human's nose and onto the floor. He stood straight, touching his nose and wiping away some of the blood. The Invader, on the other hand, just narrowed his false eyes, flicked back his hair and stood proud with his hands on his hips.

There was barely any time to react. One minute, the Dib was staring at the blood on his fingers, the next, he was swinging at him. The Invader quickly jerked back as the fist slammed towards him. He grabbed Dib's wrist, yanked him forward and slammed his knee into his lower stomach. The human choked, coughing spit onto the floor. He took a deep breath before shoving Zim back. The Irken laughed, balancing himself. Dib stepped forward and swung another punch at him. And this time, he hit him right in the gut.

Zim bent nearly double, choking on his laugh. He wrapped his arms around his waist, gasping for air. He heard that victorious laugh and his eyes widened. He choked out a swear or two in Irken before lunged at the human. He slammed both hands into Dib's shoulders, pushing him back with all his strength. He screamed as he hit the computer desk. The Invader gripped his shirt, pulling his fist back to punch him again. He threw the punch with all the hatred he felt for the human, but Dib was wise to this by now. He blocked with one arm and pushed forward. When his arm made contact with Zim's chest, he was jerked back, Dib stepped forward to get out of the corner he'd been pushed into.

The two both shouted out then as Dib stepped on Zim's pants, knocking them both off balance as he tripped. Zim grabbed hold of the human, the only thing he could grab onto. Dib shouted something as they tumbled to the ground, his hands at the Invader's waist. Pain pierced through the Invader's entire body as his pak hit the ground hard and fast, followed by the rest of him. Another rush of pain shot through his back when Dib hit him, crushing his pak harder into the floor. Then they both were still, letting out a couple moans now and then.

Stars seemed to dance before their eyes as they both lay on the floor. Zim wriggled a little, squeezing his eyes shut as horrible pain pulsed through his entire body. He tightened his grip on the Dib, drawing him closer without even realizing it. And the Dib just moved his head, which had slammed into the floor given the height difference between the two. He whined, opening one eye and finding his glasses cracked on one lens. He moaned at that, moving his head a little more. He shifted his weight and felt Zim push his face into his shoulder, wincing in pain every so often. He unconsciously rubbed his upper arms to comfort him, closing his eyes again.

Zim's eyes opened all the way, wide and shocked a moment before Dib's did. The Irken stared at the ceiling and Dib at the floor. The realization of what they were doing and who they were doing it with slammed into them at the same time and they both let out a shout, jerking away. Dib climbed off the Invader, dropping into his butt and scooting away, his face stunned, cheeks a little red. Zim pulled away, pressing his back against the bed and finding he could go no further. He grimaced at the very thought of the Dib being on top of him, shuddering visibly. They both stared at the floor, not wanting to even acknowledge the other was still in the room, least of all what they'd been doing only a moment ago.

Finally, Dib moved and took his glasses off. Zim watched him with harsh eyes, pressing himself harder against the bed in a futile attempt to get away from him. The younger, however, just rubbed the cracked and smeared lenses on his shirt and pushed them back on. He rubbed his nose a little bit, checking for anymore blood. Then he raised his eyes to the Invader and ran a hand through his messy hair. Zim watched his every move with those wicked eyes, relaxing only when Dib held up his hands in surrender.

"Sheesh, Zim. You didn't have to punch me just because your race doesn't masturbate," he sighed out, rolling his eyes a little. Zim shot him a death glare, but it went unnoticed or ignored as the Dib got to his feet. He dusted off his pants before looking over at the Irken with a slightly irritated look on his face. "You always overreact to the dumbest things."

"_Don't _think your race is so superior simply because you _masturbate,_" Zim hissed out in a rather low voice as he pushed his hands against the bed. He pushed himself to his feet, adjusting his shirt. Then he fixed his wig and gave the human another harsh look, his false eyes scanning him up and down. Then he snapped his head away and climbed onto the bed, careful to avoid the broken glass. The Dib muttered something he didn't hear as he climbed out the window.

Zim dropped onto the ground, feeling the soft grass under his feet. That alone sent a shudder down his spine and he gritted his teeth in annoyance for forgetting his boots. He glanced at the broken window, hearing a door open and shut. Then he turned on his heel and started to march back to his place, despite not having hurt the Dib as had been his intention. Instead, he rolled the thought of self pleasure, this masturbation, through his head again.

He had never considered masturbation, as the humans called it. To him, and most other Irkens, it was useful, but unnecessary. If one had a willing, attractive partner, then there was no need for self pleasure. With the devious nature of Irk and all other places the species inhabited, finding a ready and willing partner was not difficult. Not even for an Irken as small as Zim. He had only announce his status as an Irken Elite Invader and he had a line of partners, each one more beautiful than the last. Masturbation had been the last thing in his head before Impending Doom One.

And after, to be honest. Because there were always willing partners, it seemed odd that an Irken would choose to have solo sex. There was no point, no need. Because of this, an Irken thought to be masturbating became a laughing stock among the race. It was lowly, pathetic. Zim was far too proud to ever admit that he couldn't find a willing partner after he succeeded in ruining their universal takeover and therefore, he had remained celibate the entire time afterward. During his duration on Foodcourtia, he maintained that he had lovers, though a few were of different, lesser races. But he hadn't had a single one, for no Irken would have him and all other aliens were terrified of the violent, erratic Invader. Years passed without an orgasm, or anything even remotely resembling one, but he still held his head high and refused to cave to his cardinal desires.

Of course, once he'd heard of Impending Doom Two, he thought that would all change. Not because he expected to mate with another Irken. No, he had heard the Tallest had presents for the Invaders. Presents that would ease the sexual tension of Invading. The amount of soldiers attempting to become Invaders was immense, as he'd heard from Skoodge, but only a few were given the lucky gift. And that gift was, of course, the SIR units. They were equipped to help with the mission. With all aspects of the mission. Because Invaders were alone on a foreign planet, they had no one to turn to for sex and the majority of them didn't want to resort to solo sex. Therefore the SIR units would serve as sexual partners, designed to pleasure their masters with their tongues at the very least. It was never as good as rubbing, but it was most certainly better than solo sex.

The only problem was that Zim didn't trust Gir with a potato peeler and wouldn't let his tongue _anywhere _near his slit. He didn't care if he couldn't have sex until he destroyed the Earth and was welcomed back to Irk as the hero he truly was. He was not about to let Gir lick his slit. Not even if he was designed to be great at it. It was not going to happen.

But, masturbation?

Zim kicked a rock, sending a wave of pain through his bare foot. It rolled a few feet in front of him, stopping directly in his path as though taunting him. He let out a rather heavy sigh, marching up to the rock again. He thought about what Dib had said, about it supposedly feeling as good as actual sex. He slowed to a stop in front of the rock, the edge of one of bare feet brushing up against it. He narrowed his eyes at it, trying to think of how solo sex could possibly feel as good as partnered sex.

It couldn't. Could it? There was always a possibility that it could, that it did. After all, several races actively partook in it. He had always assumed that was because they had difficulty finding willing lovers. That may be the case, but maybe masturbation made it easier to wait for another lover. If that were the case, then it might be worth his time to give it a try. Especially while stuck on this filthy planet with only Gir and Keef to pleasure him, neither of which he was keen on getting anywhere near his slit.

He nodded to himself, stepping around the rock. He narrowed his eyes in a final sort of way, marching towards his house in a far more confident way.

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Please read and review.


	6. Chapter 6

Zim returned home to find his house covered in waffle batter and chicken feathers. A shudder went down his spine and he cringed as he pushed the door shut behind him. He turned the lock, hearing Gir's shouts in the distance. He scanned the living room as the batter dripped from the ceiling. For a moment, he considered going to find Gir and ordering him to clean the house. But he knew he wouldn't, and besides, the Invader had other things to do right now. So he decided to turn a blind eye to the wreckage and head down to his bedroom.

The music playing when he stepped into the elevator was of a chicken clucking. He narrowed one eye, looking up at the ceiling. It gave him no answer on how his robot had reprogrammed the music, but he was sure it had messed something else up. He sighed, pressing two fingers against his forehead. One of these days he was going to have to take a look at Gir's intelligence chip and fix him. If he could be fixed, that is. Which, more than likely, wasn't possible.

Zim let out a small sigh when the elevator doors opened with a loud cluck rather than a ding. He gave the ceiling another look, cautiously stepping into the corridor in case Gir was running around down in the lab or had chickens all over. The doors shut and he heard the clucking 'music' carrying itself back to the main floor. Then all was quiet, no sounds of Gir or his insanity anywhere near him. And for that, the Invader was more than pleased. He didn't smile, but he did head in the direction of his bedroom with a far more enthusiastic march.

By the time he reached the door and had pressed his hand over the screen to gain entrance, his mind was right back to the 'task' at had. The Dib had told him that even humans 'masturbated'. He'd said it was supposed to feel as good as sex, which Zim still wasn't sure on. But seeing as he had no other leads to whatever that human had done to him at Zita's party, there wasn't much else he could do but give this self pleasure a try. After all, it was much better than the other option, which was to have Gir try and pleasure him since Keef was seemingly no longer a willing partner.

The Invader stepped into his bedroom and slid the door shut behind him. He double checked to make sure it was locked, given the _last _thing he wanted was to be interrupted by Gir's nonsense. He looked about the messy room, narrowing his eyes slightly at the sight of his boots, which had caused him an awful amount of annoyance so far that day. But instead of lingering on the mess before him, he cleared the few feet between the door and the bed. He pushed the sheets off and sat down on the middle of it.

There was a pause, in which Zim just sat and stared at the opposite wall with a look of angry pride. He tried to convince himself that he was not lowering himself to that of an inferior race by trying out self pleasure. He was merely conducting an experiment to discover what that human had done with him. That way he could repeat it with another partner, preferably an Irken. If he could find Tenn or Skoodge, he might be able to convince them to give him another go around. Especially Skoodge, who had always seemed to have some sort of tolerance for him despite everything that had happened during Impending Doom One.

Until then, however, the mighty Invader was alone. And being alone, he would have to masturbate. If it felt anything like sex, then it would be worth it. Zim hadn't had sex in so long that anything would do for now. And it was that thought that convinced him to ignore his pride for a moment. He undid his pants and wriggled his way out of them, dropping them on top of the boots he'd forgotten to put on. Then he pulled off one glove, then the other, and lastly his shirt. He tossed it all aside, letting out a breath once he was completely naked.

Zim fluffed up the pillows before he laid back against them, keeping himself propped up enough to give himself better access to his slit. He pulled his legs up, bending them at the knee, the heels of his feet pressed firmly against the bed, near the edge. He wiggled his toes a little bit as he made sure he was comfortable. He adjusted his position a tiny bit before deciding he was just fine. Then he rubbed his thighs, tracing circles in the soft flesh as he moved towards his slit. The closer he drew, the better it felt. He could feel the lips parting to let him in, getting slick with the cum already. His body tingled as his fingers drew closer, two from each hand. He pressed his left hand against his lower waist as he stroked the lips as they parted a little more. They begged for him to trace those circles on the inner walls, but he didn't. He pressed his fingers over the lips, rubbing harder and harder. The friction was enough to get him hot, sending waves of intense pleasure through his entire body. Gasping, he pressed his back against the pillow. His breaths matched the strokes on his pussy, making it only that much more pleasurable.

A few more strokes and he felt his eyes rolling back. The wig shifted as he sank down against the pillows. He dipped one finger down into the slit, tracing little circles over the walls. His fingers danced along them, spasms radiating up his spine. He moaned and gasped, letting the feeling consume him. He licked his lips, moving his body as though to take his finger in further. Another finger and suddenly he couldn't see straight. He pressed his left hand over his lower stomach, creating tension. The walls clenched over his fingers as he softly rocked them back and forth. He pressed them hard against the walls, scissoring them as fast as he could. The sensation raced from his antennae to his toes and he shook in pleasure. He felt the cum leaking from his slit and he started to rub the walls faster and harder. Each time his fingers slipped, it sent a painful, but so very wonderful feeling through him that couldn't be matched by anything Keef had ever done. He curled his toes against the mattress, tossing his head back as he scissored his two fingers faster than he'd ever thought he could.

Zim moved, sitting up a little as the sensation grew more and more. He could hardly see straight for the pleasure, but still he pushed himself up. It plunged his fingers further into his pussy, driving him mad for the feeling. He ran his left hand over the slit where his hand was pressed up. He traced over the cum, bringing it to his lips as he thrust in harder and harder. He ran his tongue over his middle finger, licking all of the sugary cum off it as he dropped back against the pillows. He moaned, rolling his head around on the pillows. He felt the wig coming off as his antennae twitched with orgasmic pleasure. He drew his right hand back, pressing his knuckles against the outer lips. His entire body shook, begging for more rubbing, more thrusting. And after teasing himself enough that he himself let out a shout, he thrust his fingers into his pussy as hard as he could. He felt his thumb slam into the outer lips as his other fingers hit the back of the cavity.

The moment he struck the back of his pussy, a feeling that he'd never felt washed over him. It didn't hurt, but it racked his body from the tips of his antennae to the tips of his toes. He couldn't scream for the orgasm stripped him of his voice. He could only clench his body as an orgasm more powerful than he'd ever felt washed over his body. It shook him so hard it almost hurt, but it felt so good that he just let his eyes roll back and let it ride his body as hard as it wanted. He just pressed his fingers against the back of the cavity over and over until the amazing feeling started to fade, feeling him breathless and so fulfilled that he couldn't even think.

Zim blinked once or twice as he drew in a rather deep, shaky breath. He exhaled it as he drew his fingers out of his slit. He rubbed the excess cum on his thigh, not caring that he wasn't wearing any pants. He moved a little and found it nearly impossible. The orgasm had stolen all of his strength it seemed. He smiled a little bit, running one hand through the wig, pulling it off and letting it fall onto the pillows. He stroked one antennae, felt it tingle all the way to his head and then just let his body relax. When he rested his knees together, he felt his slit pulse with remaining pleasure, sending waves of it up and down his spine.

There were no words to describe what he had felt. It must have been what the human had done. He must have pushed his fingers into his slit, all the way to the back and struck the back wall. It must have triggered that sort of feeling because simple rubbing of Irken against Irkens could never reach that far back. And no one ever pressed their fingers that far into the slits, knowing just how insane the orgasm was when just the walls were stroked.

So, now he knew. That alone was enough to make him smile that arrogant smile as he closed his false eyes and tried to gather his strength. Now he had no need for Keef or Gir and he could have the same satisfaction he so rightfully deserved. Oh, yes, how that did please the Invader so much.

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If you're confused, think of it like a guy striking another guy's prostate during a thrust.

Not saying that masturbation is better than sex. Well, it is if the sex ain't done right, but still.


	7. Chapter 7

When Zim finally opened his eyes, it was to an alarm going off. He moaned, rolling over in his bed. He felt the wet stains from his cum and pushed himself into a sitting position, yawning without bothering to cover his mouth. A red light was going off in the room, but he didn't pay it any attention. Just the computer letting him know someone was outside. It was far too sensitive sometimes, then far too relaxed the rest of the time. Perhaps Gir wasn't the only thing that needed to be fixed around the base.

Zim slipped out of his bed, stretching and yawning as he went to the closet. He fumbled to pull it open, rubbing one of his eyes and feeling the contact itch a little due to having slept in them all night. The Invader muttered a few swears in Irken as he grabbed a new uniform and headed to the bathroom. It didn't have a toilet, but it did have a showering unit, which considering that he'd fallen asleep after masturbating not just once, but three times the night before, he desperately needed. He dropped the clothes on the counter and stepped in, pressing a button so that the Irken cleaning liquid could start spraying him. He closed his eyes, rubbing his face as he turned around, feeling the liquid running down his entire body.

For a moment or two, he just stood there before actually cleaning any dirt or cum off his body. Just running his fingers near his slit was enough to excite him and he broke out into a wide smile. He moved around in the shower so that he could adjust the controls and get the liquid nice and hot. Letting out a sigh a relief as it ran over his pak, he ran both hands from his chest to his lower waist. Each finger pressed a different spot as he moved them lower and lower. He gasped out, arching his back a little as he tilted his head back. He opened his mouth, scrubbing the soapy liquid over his lower stomach, just above the slit. Every stroke got him wetter and hotter, the lips parting to take him inside. They pleaded to be touched, but he merely ignored it. He breathed out slowly and roughly, sinking down a few inches as he rubbed just around his slit. His body tingled with a teasing pleasure, as though refusing to give him the sensation he wanted without him giving on his end.

Then, the Invader slid down onto the seat in the showering unit. It was just as hot as the rest of the shower, the liquid falling on him hard and heavy. Zim arched his back, letting the hot liquid run over his slit. It hurt in a most pleasurable way and he rested his head back against the wall. He panted heavily as he petted his slit. His touch was gentle compared to the heat of the cleaning liquid. His lips were spread wide, slick with so much cum that it ran down his legs. He felt it being washed away as he traced the lips of his pussy, growing closer and closer to his entrance. His cum was hotter than the shower, he found. It made him shudder, curling his toes and clenching his legs a little as he dipped two fingers into the slit. The walls clenched, rubbing themselves over his slender digits before he even began to move them. The cum encased them, drenching them with that sugary substance in a sinfully delicious way. He drew them out and licked the cum, drinking in that sweet taste. Even with the hint of the soap, it was still so tasty he was tempted to taste more.

Instead, he just pushed both fingers back into his slit. He twisted both of his digits in circles together, hitting both of the wet walls. Pulsations traveled up his spine and drew a scream to his lips. He pressed his free hand over his face as he pumped his two fingers in his pussy, striking the walls as they clenched tighter and tighter around them. He could already feel the orgasm creeping up as he arched his back to reach in only that much further. He struck the back of the cavity and suddenly that raging sensation consumed him.

It raged through his body, taking him over. He couldn't think and he couldn't see, but he didn't care. He let his body be shaken so badly he had trouble staying seated, screaming at the top of his lungs in sheer delight. He pumped against the back of the cavity hard and fast. Each strike sent a sharp sensation up his spine, radiating through his pak and making his antennae slick back against his head. He laughed out, sliding against the wall as he gripped his head with his free hand. Zim found himself bending double, scissoring his two fingers over the sensitive walls and the back of the cavity. He felt the cum drip as he moved his legs, squeezing his thighs around his arm.

Another pump and he couldn't take it anymore. The Invader let the orgasm travel through his body, making even the drops of the cleaning solution feel more wonderful than air. He closed his eyes, smiling to himself as it finished up, leaving him far more satisfied than any other Irken had ever before. No amount of rubbing or licking could ever even come close to the delightful, powerful feeling of that orgasm.

Zim drew his soaking wet fingers from his pussy, holding them out so that the shower could wash them clean. He watch with dazed eyes as the sweet liquid dripped from his digits and drew them too his mouth. He licked one, tasted a mix of sugar and soap and spat it back out. After a moment of just enjoying the heat of the liquid on his tired body, he remembered why he'd even gotten up that day. The red light. The computer. The intruder.

The Irken let out a rather annoyed sigh, pushing one hand against the wall and giving it a rough shove. He got back to his feet, stumbling back into the center of the cleaning shower in order to get clean once more. Only this time, he kept his hands away from his satisfied slit. He rubbed himself free of any leftover cum, then hit the stop button. A rinsing liquid washed him clean of the soapy solution and left him perfectly clean, free of any and all germs.

With that done, Zim stepped out of the showering unit and dried off rather quickly. He ran the towel over each antennae gently, twitching because of the rough fabric against his tender antennae. Then he tossed the towel into the cleaning pile and started to get dressed. He wriggled into his pants, buttoned them, pulling on his shirt as he left the bathroom. The light was still flashing, which meant that Gir was either part of the problem like he usually was or that he was running amuck somewhere else in the lab. That was enough to make Zim frown, narrowing his false eyes violently at the ceiling. He jerked on his boots, grabbed a new pair of gloves and a clean wig and stormed out of his bedroom.

He couldn't hear Gir, which meant he was most likely in the house. The Invader rolled his false eyes, idly putting on each glove. He wiggled his fingers until it fit perfectly like always, then he eased his wig on over his antennae. He flipped back the shoulder length hair, stepping into the elevator. The Irken hit the ground level button, received a chicken cluck in response, and then it started to move. Zim tapped his foot, hands on his hips as it rose slower than usual.

"That robot is becoming stupider and stupider with each day on this filth ridden planet," he hissed out under his breath, narrowing his eyes more at the controls. He didn't receive any answer, but he hadn't really thought he would. Zim made another mental note to check out Gir's intelligence device, then the doors opened and he stepped out into the kitchen. "Gir!"

There was no answer, which annoyed the Invader more than it should have. He clenched his hands into fists, storming from the kitchen to the living room. He scanned the room for his the robot, but found that he wasn't there. In fact, no one was there. Zim rolled his eyes again, turning to head back to the lab.

"Hiya, buddy!" Keef chirped out, waving rather wildly to the alien with both hands. Zim screamed, jerking back as fast as he could. He nearly tripped, staring at the human as he waved and smiled so widely it should have hurt his face. He narrowed his fake eyes, glancing around the kitchen to figure out how Keef had been able to sneak up on him. Considering who it was, however, Zim knew he probably wouldn't be able to find a logical reason and indeed, he didn't.

"What are _you _doing here, Keef?" Zim asked instead, standing straight and pointing at the cheerful human with one finger. He twirled the finger in a circle, looking at the stove to see if he were making waffles or something, but there was nothing cooking. He turned back to him when the child stepped forward, laughing as though he couldn't figure out _why _he was being asked such a question.

"I know I just ran off yesterday and I wanted to apologize, buddy. Things were just going so fast. I was thinking today we could go see a movie and maybe get some lunch," he replied, talking so incredibly fast that the Irken could barely keep up with him. Instead of trying to, he just muttered 'uh-huh', looking around the kitchen for the clock. He found one, though it hadn't been the one he was looking for, and saw that it was one in the afternoon. He made a face before turning back when Keef said his name. "Zim? Do you wanna see the movie about aliens? I bet you'd like it. You seem to like that sorta stuff."

"Shouldn't you be in school or something?" he said instead, ignoring the comment about how much he seemed to like 'aliens'. Keef blinked twice as though he had no idea what he was talking about. Then he gave a small laugh.

"I came over first thing this morning. It sure was messy in here. I spent the entire morning cleaning for you, Zim. I thought you'd like that. You're usually so clean. I made you breakfast, it's in the fridge. What do you want to do today, buddy?" Keef rambled out, moving closer to the Invader. He reached out to touch his arm and Zim slapped his hand to the side, turning back to the kitchen. Sure enough, it had been cleaned from top to bottom. A sort of anger rose up inside him, not only at the fact that Gir had let Keef stay inside the house all morning, but that he'd let him clean. He could have found one of the entrances to the base, and then his entire cover would have been blown.

"Don't touch me," Zim ordered, slapping his hand away from him again. Keef's smile briefly faltered before he just lowered his hand to his side and gave him a rather happy smile. He paid it no mind as he stepped out into the living room, looking at the now clean ceiling and walls.

"Zim? Buddy? Do you wanna watch a movie here? I brought a couple. Or we could play a game. I have scrabble! I bet you'd be real good at that. I could make us lunch if you're hungry," he continued, following the alien into the living room. Zim nodded a few times, though he wasn't really paying him any attention. Finally, after inspecting the room to make sure Keef hadn't found any way to the base, he turned towards him. Keef was still talking about what they could spend the day doing, moving his hands quickly in the air as he did. Zim narrowed his fake eyes more and more with each passing sentence, despite the fact that he didn't hear a single word the boy was saying.

"Zim has no need for you anymore, Keef. Zim does not need anyone. Get out of my house," he finally stated, jerking one hand in the direction of the front door. The human's voice dropped off in the middle of a word, his smile fading in a rather confused sort of way. He stared at the Irken as though he hadn't heard him right, or at least, thought he hadn't. Zim merely flicked his wrist in the direction of the door. "Get out."

"But, I thought we were dating. We had sex. Are you mad that I left yesterday? I can make it up to you. I don't know why you're so mad. We're the bestest of friends, buddy. Don't worry, once you try my apology cake you won't be mad," Keef started, stepping closer to him with an apologetic smile on his stupid face. It made the Invader shake with rage, his hands clenching back into tight fists. He stepped back, jerking one hand to the side. Keef jumped a little, blinking and stopping where he stood.

"Zim dates _no one. _You did not fulfill me like you were supposed to. I have no more use for you. Now, _get out of my house!" _Zim hissed out, letting his eyes show all the rage he had ever felt for this annoying child. Keef stared at him, that smile of his fading around the edges. He glanced around, perhaps for Gir in order to get some help convincing his 'boyfriend' to calm down and reconsider.

"Buddy, I—"

Zim let out a scream of anger, jerking forward and grabbing the boy by the hair. Keef let out a shout, nearly falling as he was pulled towards the door. Zim ripped the door nearly off the hinges as he shoved the human out of his house. He stumbled and practically fell over. Zim gripped the doorknob to keep from killing the stupid child as he turned around and stared at him.

"Leave me ALONE!" the Invader shouted out before he slammed the door shut in Keef's face. He snapped the lock into place and pulled the windows closed, checking to make sure they were all locked as well. Then he checked the front door one more time before resting his head against the cool wood for a moment. He heard Keef asking to be let in several times before he just rang the doorbell and told him he'd be back later to see if he were feeling better. Just hearing that he would be back, and Zim knew he would be, made him shudder in horror. When he heard the footsteps heading down the path and reach the sidewalk, Zim pushed himself off the door and turned around.

"Meow!" Gir sang out, standing in the middle of the room with his dog costume on, though not over his head. Zim rolled his eyes, walking back towards the kitchen. He didn't have to look behind him to know the robot was following him quite like the boy he'd just thrown from his house. "HI, Master."

"Yeah, uh-huh," he mumbled, heading to the fridge. He pulled the door open and looked at the mass amounts of waffles stacked on plate after plate. He narrowed one eye, keeping the other open wide. He cringed a little and shut the door. When he turned to look at Gir, he was standing there, though he was watching the ground for some reason. "Don't let Keef back in if he comes back."

"Yes, sir," he answered, saluting him, his eyes glowing red for the briefest of seconds. Then they faded back to the light blue-green they usually were and he meowed like a cat again. The Invader gave him his signature look, but it went unnoticed as usual. "You look like you could use a HUG!"

"No, Gir, I don't want a—urgh. . ."

Zim glared at the opposite wall as Gir squeezed him into a tight hug before he could move away. The robot rubbed his metal cheek against the Irken's chest, telling him that this would cheer him up. It didn't, but Zim didn't bother to tell him that, knowing perfectly well that it wouldn't have any affect on him. In fact, if anything, it would only make encourage the robot to hug and squeeze him more so. The Invader twitched at the very thought, which only received another squeeze from his companion. He turned away from the wall, glaring with all his might at Gir, who just continued to rub his cheek happily against his chest as though he were the most content creature in the world. The alien twitched again, moving to push him off. However, just as he was pushing his hands into the robot's shoulders, there was a beeping sound from the ceiling. It was a new feature that informed him when the Tallest were calling him. He glared at the wall, annoyed at the loud sound for several seconds before it registered to him that the Tallest were calling him.

"The Tallest!" he shouted out, shoving Gir back from him. He let out some shout of something that made absolutely no sense. But Zim was already climbing into the elevator, telling the computer to hurry it up, that he couldn't miss a call from the almighty Tallest.

* * *

A quick update, can you believe it? With Keef! He's such a stalker. . .


End file.
